


I Would Literally Die For You

by PaisleyWraith



Series: KenMythology Universe [2]
Category: South Park
Genre: Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-01-27
Updated: 2018-01-27
Packaged: 2019-03-09 23:02:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,362
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13491633
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PaisleyWraith/pseuds/PaisleyWraith
Summary: Kenny kind of has the hots for his old friend from elementary, even if he doesn't talk to him much anymore. But he's willing to stay back and let Kyle live his life, until he comes running with shattering news that forces Kenny to make a rash decision.





	I Would Literally Die For You

**Author's Note:**

> This is based on chapter 10 of Curses, Curses, so it directly talks about suicide.

Kenny was just walking to work. He threw his sweatshirt over his blue polo, picked the jeans with the least amount of holes, hugged Karen goodbye and ducked outside the door without a word to his arguing parents.

He stepped out into the cold, hands in his pockets. It was a nice, long walk to the gas station: just beyond his and Karen’s school. Gave him time to think, shed any feelings and thoughts he’d been having at home and think about other things.

His eyes flit to Kyle’s house, as he always did. He hadn’t been at school today, or at least not first period. The kid always got there early, working on things he could never quite hear. It was a nice point in his day, kind of get a glance at how his old (ex?) friend was doing.

Oh, Kyle. The roadblock to Kenny ever being able to get back into a relationship, ever.

Somewhere around Freshman year, his mind became fixated on him. Sure, he always thought he was cute. (And he meant always in a literal sense.) But somewhere in middle school his mind kinda of went nuts any time he was near Kenny. You know, it was fucking hard to be cool when the guy your whole damn soul suddenly wants is one of your best friends. But he dealt with it, Kyle was a goddamn genius and protective and snarky, not to mention he’d started getting hot earlier than anyone else, so hey, getting a crush wasn’t unexpected. Buuut then it became kinda excessive.

For example. Yesterday morning Kyle had just taken his hat off, ruffling his hair into shape while wearing that one pair of black jeans and Kenny just went _damn_. Just about lost his goddamn mind over something so simple, just because of who he was ogling. Smart as hell and hot as fuck. He wished some of that magical bullshit would have sprinkled on himself, all he had was he was tall.

But hey, what he lacked in looks and brains he made up in personality. He had no short of admirers, or potential bedmates. But also hey, when you actually wanted some strings attached to sex, suddenly Kenny wasn’t exactly desirable. So, in some weird psychology way, it was probably normal that Kenny wanted to attach himself to someone that clearly had cared about him when they were kids. So he told himself. It talked him out of rushing to Kyle’s locker and kneeling to ask him for something more than just the time of day, anyhow.

While he had cared about him in the past, Mr. Kyle Broflovski had pretty much left everyone behind once he started High School. But Kenny wasn’t hurt much on a personal level. Kyle kicked everyone out, even his bestest of best friends.

Still. What he wouldn’t give to go back to eighth grade and just ask Kyle if he was into dicks, and even more importantly, if Kenny was…if he’d…

These were the thoughts he tried to leave behind. Even now, he couldn’t finish the question, not even in his mind. Not looking at Kyle’s house, knowing the redhead was probably studying inside, bend over a textbook with that one look he got when he was thinking…fierce and thoughtful and you just knew he was headed to big things. Bigger things than Kenny ever would. Off to a school in New England, he’d expressed interest in New York once when he was talking to Stan in the hall, Kenny overheard. So Cornell Law, probably. Pretty damn cool, and it sparked a sense of pride in him to think that this was once his friend. His curly-haired companion from school grew up into someone even smarter, headed to do what he always said he wanted to. Wow. Kenny bit his lip, sending the house one more glance as he passed.

This was just the beginning. Kyle would leave them all behind for real, one day. And Kenny would be glad for him, the guy had a good heart and the world wasn’t ready for the sharp little badass with a gorgeous ass. He’d have to say goodbye, and he probably should sooner than later. But hey, what could he say? If he’d been a superhero, Kyle would have been his weakness. And he was okay with that.

He looked over at Stan’s house, and the door flew open.

Kenny’s heart jumped as Kyle himself burst through the front door, dragging poor Stan with him.

A broad grin curved his lips, the warm light that seemed to fill his chest when Kyle was near making him much less cold. He waved, stopping at the sidewalk to wait for the two to meet him.

“Well hey, superduo,” He drawled exaggeratedly as possible, “What-”

Kyle looked at him. Kenny broke himself off, the light in his chest dying immediately.

Kyle looked haunted. There were bags under his eyes, he was pale, and his expression held so much raw pain that Kenny felt like his flesh had been stripped from his bones, leaving him open and staring at a Kyle that looked like he was dying.

Kyle reached out, and Kenny didn’t wait.

He swept Kyle into his arms, the first time he’d touched him since their ‘graduation’ hug in eighth grade. He held him loosely, but Kyle seemed to want the hug.

This wasn’t normal. Kyle never even spoke to him.

“What’s this, Ky?” Kenny asked, wanting the kid to look up at him again.

“He’s acting really weird,” Stan reached to touch his best friend, expression filled with real concern. Stan was afraid.

Kyle buried his face in his neck, and Kenny’s heart broke. His breathing was quicker, alarm rushing through his bloodstream. Kyle was breathing jerkily against his neck, and something was very, very wrong.

“Kyle?” Kenny more or less forced him to look him in the eyes, and Kyle looked so dead. So tired. Kenny’s hands clenched into Kyle’s shirt. Something hurt him. Kyle was suffering and he needed to know what, right fucking now.

He grabbed Kyle’s by the sleeves, pulling him a little more roughly than he intended, perhaps.

“Give us a second, Stanny-boy!” He called cheerfully, not wanting a hysterical Stan on top of it all. He yanked Kyle out of earshot, and then stooped to stare Kyle in the eyes, feeling the look pierce his soul.

“What happened?” Kenny demanded, using his most no-nonsense voice. “Kyle. Talk to me.”

“Stuck in a time loop.” The words made Kenny blink. “Reliving Thursday over and over. You call it a curse. We tried so many things. Nothing works. You believe me, though.” Kyle was shaking, trembling under his hands like he was seconds away from a breakdown. “You can’t die.”

Kenny’s heart jumped. He knew. He knew, he knew, he knew. His jaw dropped, and his fingers clawed into his sleeves. He knew. He knew and he was…in a time loop?

“Holy shit, Kyle.” His voice sounded weak even to his words. Kyle just watched him, looking exhausted, and Kenny’s soul was shattering to see the boy so broken. “You look awful,” He couldn’t help saying, thumbs trailing over his clothes.

“I don’t know what day it is,” Kyle told him, frantic. “I don’t know how long it’s been. I forgot. I don’t remember.”

Oh, God. Kyle was in his own curse. Kyle was suffering himself, something similar to what Kenny encountered, and all alone. That he understood. That, he’d felt too.

He swallowed. “Okay, it’s okay.” He wanted to get that look off his face. He spoke gently as he could, but worry crept into his voice. “Take a breath, Ky. I got you.”

Kyle obeyed, only to go into his next spiel.

“I left town yesterday, I forgot what time. I think it was yesterday.” The kid was rambling, sounding disjointed. “I’m losing my mind, I’m losing my goddamn mind, I almost- I thought about stepping into the street and I…did, nothing happened and they saw me and passed but I tried and I think I’m- I’m losing my mind, Ken…”

He almost killed himself. Kenny’s world was shattering. In no world, no life, no universe, should Kyle ever hurt so badly, be so alone, that he was willing to die.

This had to be his fault, somehow. His curse had to leak into Kyle’s for some reason. He knew he was a freak, might not be human or deserved this curse somehow, but no fucking way did Kyle deserve this. No. Fucking. Way.

He had tried to help. He had and nothing worked, he tried telling Kyle about his own curse and that didn’t help. He had to…had to do something. His own curse was reset by death, Kyle’s…could Kyle’s be the same way?

Kenny swallowed. It wouldn’t cost him anything to try.

He made up his mind, steadied his resolve.

Then he leaned in, pressing his lips against Kyle’s forehead. Whether it for himself or for Kyle, he wasn’t sure. He closed his eyes, letting himself memorize it. The feeling of his lips against his cool skin, his scent of his shampoo and the gentle brush of curls against his nose. Memorizing.

And then he let go, cupping Kyle’s cheeks for a second. He bit the inside of his cheek, running his thumbs over soft cheekbones. This would be the time to say something. Something romantic, heartfelt, but it would feel cheap. Cheap, while Kyle was suffering and scared and going through something Kenny didn’t entirely understand.

Not today. Probably not ever.

Kenny passed by their brunet friend, clapping him on the shoulder.

“Stan, watch him, please.” Kenny kept his voice upbeat. He didn’t think Stan knew. “I’ll be back.”

“What’s going on?” Stan demanded, looking frightened.

“He’s not feeling good, Stan, just look after him for a bit, okay?” Kenny headed back home, grimly.

“Where are you going?” Stan asked behind him.

Kenny steadied his voice, heart racing.

“Experimenting,” He said, leaving it at that. He wasn’t going to give Kyle any idea of what he was going to do.

God, he hated this sometimes. Despite being used to it, his body still reacted violently to the knowledge that he was going to die. His heart raced faster, thrumming in his head and wrists.

Kenny didn’t go in the front door. Just in case he saw Karen. He hated doing this when she was home, even if she wouldn’t remember anything. It felt wrong, he didn’t like thinking about it. But Kyle needed to get out of the loop. And this was probably something he hadn’t tried. Though there was a chance he had, and he might keep killing himself until he finally told Kyle.

That made him feel hopeless, which steadied his resolve. Kyle had to feel like this all the time.

His parents had a shotgun, because of course they did. Kenny had secretly confiscated it ages ago. He dug into his closet, face impassive. The look in Kyle’s eyes was burned into his mind. He looked so hopeless, so dead. He tried to kill himself. He could imagine him getting up the nerve, stepping into the street.

He was so, so thankful to whoever was driving that they noticed him.

Kenny pulled the gun out, as well as a box of shells.

Slowly, he clicked the shells into place until it wouldn’t hold anymore.

Please let this work. At least he’d be back tomorrow if Kyle was reliving a single day. He apparently had come to him for help before, please keep coming for help. Kenny would do anything, anything to keep Kyle from hurting. From dying. Anything at all.

He clicked the button, loaded the chamber. Checked to make sure his door was locked.

He was so used to this. It had been a while since he killed himself, however. He tried the last time when he was in sixth grade. Then he started living for his sister, and that helped. He just dealt with the pain of normal death and stayed away from suicide. Worked to make sure Karen could go to school, wherever she wanted. She wanted to go into journalism and that was awesome.

She and Kyle were miles ahead of him.

Kyle. Kenny set the gun up, ready. Called back the moment he’d memorized. His chapped lips against cool skin. Kyle’s shampoo. Ticklish curls.

His heart was pounding, as if protesting, twisting once Kyle entered his mind.

He loved him.

He loved Kyle, he loved him and he’d never say anything but that didn’t mean he didn’t love him fiercely. If he could have something from the world, please let this work. Leave Kyle alone, let Kenny deal with curses on his own. Without Kyle, without that haunted look in his adorable green eyes that held so much affection and cleverness that they left normally him breathless.

He loved him. Every show of temper, smirking snarks, arguments and comments and smiles. Every piece of history they had. Heroes and medieval times and all sorts of crazy scenarios they created. Every bit of his childhood, every step of the way.

Kyle deserved more than Kenny did. That was just face. Kyle deserved to be happy and healthy and living. He didn't deserve any of this. If this worked, it was something little Kenny could do for him. Inconsequential when you looked at it in a big picture kind of way. He was nobody, just a tall kid with a curse that let him die and return. He had no grand ambitions beyond making sure his baby sister had a better life than what people expected of them. Kyle was something that, let's be real, he never could touch and never would have the right to touch. Something out of reach, or maybe even not, he was just not worthy of reaching out.

Let him go.

Let this work. 

Kenny brought up the image again. The feeling. Wrapping Kyle in his arms. Let himself hold every bit of love and joy and set it into one phrase.

Let him go.

And he pulled the trigger.


End file.
